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the long pause while you come to your senses

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so pure so rare [Mar. 17th, 2006|03:31 pm]
the long pause while you come to your senses
ugh. last night was fucking garbage. it wasn't a terrible night, but most of it spent cursing my wasted time. sometimes you just need more. i always just need more. more everything.

derek wants me to go up to boston to visit him next month. i'm gonna try, but me thinks the ultimate decision may rest in the hands of my PO. some faceless guy i'm never going to see in my life will make that particular choice.

gotta go get the truck fixed tomorrow. i think i'm gonna try to head up to club downey too, haven't been there in ages. and it looks like they got the park fixed, so i see no logical reason for me not to.

far beyond the visible signs of your awakening failing miserably to rescue sleeping beauty

flaming napalm destruction rains upon the third world while you sleep. think about that. its all your president's fault.
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where's the sunshine? [Mar. 16th, 2006|04:19 pm]
the long pause while you come to your senses
the beach yesterday was everything i hoped for and more. gorgeous weather, nice cool breeze, found a relatively uncrowded spot. amazing. beach chairs are for pansies. i mean that. you want to relax at the beach? dig yourself a hole a foot and a half deep in the ground. smooth the bottom and the sides. create comfortable angles, sit, prop your feet up on the outside of the hole, lean back, dig yourself a cupholder and enjoy. 5-10 minute job, completely worth your time. you get sun, you get relaxation, you get cuphold, you get back support, and its just superior in every manner possible.

i jammed my finger catching the football yesterday. that pretty much sucked cause it still hurts. but whatever. well worth the time.

driving megan's car is far superior to driving my truck. like for instance when i press the brake pedal, it slows and then comes to a stop. seriously. how weird is that? i need to get my vehicle fixed.

ugh. i wish i knew why my lower back hurts in a different manner than usual today. usually its just the middle part, lower area, perhaps 8 inches up from the top of my ass crack, but today it's spread to the sides. slightly uncomfortable. on the upside, it feels strictly muscular, rather than perhaps me having some sort of actually threatening damage. it hurts to cough right now tho, which definitely is a downer.

can't think of anything else to say and pretty sure i'd be wasting my time saying it if i did have something else to say, so ummm bye.
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when it rains it pours [Mar. 13th, 2006|07:33 pm]
the long pause while you come to your senses
more complications wooooooo! i hate monday.

the weeks only a day old and already its made me want to kill myself, and almost accidentally succeed twice.

so ummm... anyone ever had to drive during rush hour with no brakes before? you want to talk about sheer terror. yeah. ummm. wow. so i'm going 50 mph trying to get to a delivery, get in the turn lane and see traffic going across my future path. so i press the brakes. and nothing happens. and nothing happens. so i closed my eyes and made my turn while hoping for the best. and i made it. arrived at my delivery pants soaked in urine, some of it my own (ok, i made that part up), received my $2.00 tip and then called the boss to inform him that i wasnt working anymore.

just shit.
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you'd be well advised not to plan my funeral before the body dies [Mar. 13th, 2006|12:28 pm]
the long pause while you come to your senses
shit. so where to start? i'll go with my legal issues. court in georgia is far better than court in FL. definitely enjoyed the concept of attending court in the judge's chambers. that was no where as intimidating. didn't have to stand in front of 50 complete strangers and try to convince the judge that i am indeed genuinely sorry. hot damn. got mail in probation and $1100 in fines, plus i gotta take the drug/alcohol class again.

ross is in jail. got arrested last night while working. coupla counts, called me several times demanding i come get him out. and i would. really i would. its killing me not to. but i don't have $500 to spend on me, let alone him. he made the mistake of getting pulled over by winter park PD. they're fascists. theres a reason that no one goes over 45 thru winter park. and then being ross (this is all inference from here on), he probably pulled his ultra cocky "oh, do you know my aunt" thing. and with that failing he probably started pointing at the broadway sign and screaming "you're not allowed to pull me over you jack booted cum gargler" or something of that nature. he's got fairly bad instincts when dealing with authority figures.

so i called linda, and i think shortly after i called her ross called her. and apparently from the message she left on my phone, his bails $500, plus he lied to her about the cause of his incarceration. so when she went to bail him out and found out that he wasn't in jail for driving without a bumper, she decided that he's staying in there. shit. i tried. linda would have done it had he not told her a lie about the cause. i prepped her by saying it was probably drugs. and she went up there after that. and then called and left me voicemail. and i guess in jail is where he stays

now accepting donations to the "free ross" fund
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10 things that i personally have learned from watching horror movies [Mar. 12th, 2006|11:41 am]
the long pause while you come to your senses
10. Screaming is an effective method of self defense, if you're really looking forward to dying soon

9. There is almost always a second killer.

8. Your odds of survival increase exponentially the fewer people you have with you.

7. Fighting back should be your last resort. Preferably, you should first watch everyone you came with, or everyone you know and love die before you should lift a hand to fight back.

6. Every house has an attic that you can be effectively trapped in by any halfway competent killer.

5. If at any point in your life you find yourself in a horror movie situation, never go to sleep again. The killer has enough immediate family to spawn another 3-10 sequels.

4. There are graveyards everywhere. Even if theres nothing else on the island you're on but a coconut tree, a killer, and you, there will be a graveyard.

3. Always keep a fat guy with emphysema with you. He's known as "first blood." His sacrifice ensures that you will survive the first 10 minutes of what will undoubtably be a terrible ordeal.

2. Keep shooting. He's not dead yet.

1. Psychotic axe murderers always make it out of shallow graves, so be sure to dig down at least 6 ft.
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(no subject) [Mar. 6th, 2006|06:06 pm]
the long pause while you come to your senses
thank you everyone for your outpouring of concern over my current legal status. its heartwarming, really. florida is now out of the way, i was in court about a half hour and then informed that i didn't need to be there. thanks for wasting my day. leave for georgia on wednesday, hopefully will be back in florida come saturday. actually, really? thats not what i'm hoping for. i'm so tired of florida jail actually seems like a better option for me at the moment.

the worst part of the day came when i was picking myself up off the ground to go and retrieve my skateboard. felt my shoulder pop back into the socket. yeah. that felt fucking marvelous. now my whole left arm is this throbbing numb. defuckinglightful.

and i may be so sexually frustrated right now that i've gone impotent. yeah. haven't had an erection in like a week and a half. that fucking blows too.

ugh. tired of life. i need a vacation.
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i smell of death i reek of hate i will live for ever [Mar. 4th, 2006|02:37 pm]
the long pause while you come to your senses
in case you're wondering "yeah, i'll be back soon" does not mean the same thing as "no, i will not be back." this is a particularly unkind thing to do when it involves the person who's gotta be at work at 9 a.m. staying up until 5:45 waiting on you to return. even more unkind when the 4 a.m. "are you actually coming back" call comes and the lie is then repeated. it really is ok to say "no, i don't really feel like it." that is an acceptable answer. really. cause then at least i could get some sleep before i have to work a 13 hour shift. and calling 24 hours later? 5:45 a.m.? yeah. that falls back into the unacceptability zone. theres a reason that i'm completely fed up with females.

i think i've got a hernia. i was lifting some cheese at broadway and my left nut started hurting. but i don't have insurance so i'm going to pretend like it doesn't exist.

god damn do i love kungfu movies. they're so sweet. life needs to be more like kungfu movies. everyone randomly attacks everyone else, and there is one distinct and easily recognized villian. that'd be sweet. and then if i could do stuff like a backflip off a wall to throw a handfull of ninja stars which then bury themselves into the chest of half a dozen completely expendable henchmen. that would make life fairly interesting.
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twinkle twinkle little star [Feb. 27th, 2006|04:16 am]
the long pause while you come to your senses
[mood |melancholymelancholy]
[music |grateful dead, nas, pink floyd]

*i don't feel human anymore.

*i woke this morning feeling so depressed i couldn't bear to move. then scott got here. then somehow i ended up watching final destination 3. spirits failed to improve.

*i feel completely alone, all the time.

*life is kinda weird when the rest of humanity not only isn't on the same page as you, they also aren't reading the same book, nor do most of them have any idea what a book is

*i need so desperately for something just purely good to happen to me

*i could use a full nights uninterupted sleep

*i need a day at the beach something fierce

*i need a night under the stars lying on my back just thinking

*i need for it to be two weeks from now so i don't have all this court shit hanging over my head anymore.

*i wish i could feel important to someone who isn't blood

*i kinda feel like i need to compete. like i dunno. play a sport. basketball with more people than just myself and evan. football. extreme frisbee. i dunno. give me something to compete in

*i need an idea to run with, some sort of project, ideally involving me writing.

*i think i'm gonna work on that sleep one
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(no subject) [Feb. 23rd, 2006|01:32 pm]
the long pause while you come to your senses
i don't recall being bitten.

but i can't stand the sunlight.

my body feels as though it may indeed be dying.

oh, and i've got the thirst. that one thats unquenchable. trust me, i've tried. do you know how hard it is to chug 30 ounces of water only to realize that it didn't even come close to helping? i spent the majority of my day yesterday consuming liquid matter. water. milk. orange juice. tea. coffee. energy drinks. beer. nothing could make me not thirsty.

i need human blood. its the only logical explanation. i've been bitten by a vampire.

shit i gotta invest in a new coffin. i think my old one may be full and buried. fucking drifters.

first person i catch in my room with a hammer and stake gets the door prize of being the first human blood i drink.

this might complicate my dayshift tomorrow just a little bit.
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can't keep my mind from the circling skies [Feb. 17th, 2006|08:01 pm]
the long pause while you come to your senses
chief morale officer's job is never over. once again broadway has errupted with a spree of disgruntledness (fuck it, if it wasn't a word before it is now), as some of the less intelligent managers have decided that fucking with the core group's hours is a good way to boost morale. fuck fuck fuck. that means that i'm gonna have to work overtime to repair the breach created by the hiring of too many new people. by work overtime i mean, work the same hours as before but instead of doing actual work i'm just gonna have to focus on being as entertaining as humanly possible.

i might have to shave the other arm with my butterfly knife. i don't know how that'll work out for everyone else's morale, but it amuses me therefor is excellent for morale. and if my morale's high, everyone else's should be as well. it was written in stone once. then it got lost. now its probably in madagascar or somewhere like that. i have no idea where i'm going with this so i'm just going to stop now.
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