|whats happiness to you?
||[May. 7th, 2007|04:29 am]
the long pause while you come to your senses
lets see... i guess its been somewhere in the area of 2 and a half months since i updated this thing in any sort of coherent manner. so now, a brief rundown in list format of all of the things that i remember(and thus are important)
-got tickets to go see tool. 24 days. gotta have something to look forward to.
-worked on 4/20 again. not very good money. the stoners let me down.
-relearned a lot of things about people that i had gone blind to. i now very clearly remember why i keep many/most at arms length. physical pain doesn't bother me, but the emotional shit? yeah. people fucking suck
-went to a couple of regular season magic games
-then the magic went to the playoffs and got swept. much grief.
-rediscovered how excellent i am at basketball. yeah. apparently it doesn't matter how frequently i play or how in shape i am, i kick a lot of ass. something about being naturally athletic and having good eye/hand coordination?
-slowly weaning myself of the bad in my life. i'm going to leave it at that for the moment.
-working on developing good habits, such as cleaning up after the mess that i've made.
-discovered that i have $5000 spending limit on credit card. this is a bad thing. but i've got a lot of cool new shit.
-weeds is such a good show. fucking. amazing.
-spent a coupla weeks locked in my room hiding from some of the bad
-haven't picked up a book in 3 months now. not a good thing, but i think i'm going to skip reading until a week and a half before the new harry potter comes out. then i'm going to read the entire series back to back. and end it with the new one.
-liz and evan both have become shitty people. liz stopped answering/returning my calls 3 days after i told her i was done doing coke. see above where i mention relearning things about people. funny how i can put so much stock in a friendship that apparently was completely empty and meaningless. the price of caring. evan has decided that he should be a douchebag. once again, someone i thought i was close with, thought was a good person. also stopped answering my anything. then pissed me off on my birthday by not being man enough to even tell me he wasn't coming by. the initial invitation? "hey, want to come by and watch the magic game and drink a coupla keg beers with me on my birthday?" no answer. he was nice enough to text hunter and tell him he didn't want to hang out because he was watching the magic game. asshole.
-incidentally, got truly angry for the first, second, and third time of the last 4 years of my life within the last 2.5 months. the rest was good natured bitching while i pretended to be angry.
-had a birthday. fred bought me a keg, i spent 400 on bottles. it was a good time. ran into some old friends. really old friends. elementary school era friends. they just kinda randomly came by. it was kinda rad.
-i've gotten really into grilling. nothing like making fire then grilling a piece of meat on it. mmmmmmm. ribs on tuesday.
-will be getting a promotion shortly, as finally after 2.5 years i've managed to shake the reputation of "pothead slacker extraordinaire," which was entirely undeserved as i managed to do 70% of the driver working duties by myself on any given day of the work. soon as the payroll is in order i shall be getting a dollar raise and won't be asked to work anywhere nearly as hard. hot damn.
-saw type o negative with aaron. good show. the singer was wicked sick though, kept having to take breaks between songs to rehydrate.
-the day after the type o negative concert i became truly ill for the first time in the last year. still kinda sick from it, and its been a week.
-cut back on the drinking considerably.
-completely compromised my morals in favor of getting some good deals. thats right, i've started shopping at walmart.
-kinda coming to terms with me, reaching an understanding of myself, that in the past i thought i had, but has turned out to be incomplete. which probably means that i'm not quite there just yet but i'm working on it.
-and now i'm just focusing on fixing things. everything. my less desirable personality traits. my relationships with those who matter. developing both a spine and willpower. smiling and meaning it. getting a handle on my various addictions(lord do i wish i had never started smoking cigarettes). thinking coherently, logically, independantly, and thoroughly. being less naive. becoming healthier both physically and emotionally. understanding the how, rather than just the why. theres much work to be done.
and on that note, goodnight to one and all. until next time this is aleks, signing out.
nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky